daily cycle

I wake up (kind of) to face breakfast--my albatross in life--with small boys dancing around my feet like baby birds with mouths clamoring for food.

At midnight I drop into bed with my mind still whirring about the deeper things in life that have simmered under the surface all day; now it's quiet and dark and I remove the lid and sample their flavors. Finally it's time to feed myself; it takes a while to sort things out before I can fall asleep.

I don't think most women expect the tension from what I call "the mundane maintenance of life" that intensifies when we have children. Maybe it's just me--I get clogged up inside because I'm constantly hitting the pause button on my thought life to find lost shoes, answer "why" questions, handle crises, trim grubby fingernails, and focus on the expectant little eyes watching me. These beautiful and demanding things force me to come down from my mental treehouse and be fully accessible to the moment. At the end of the day, it's not what's checked off my list that matters, but how present I was able to be with the people in my path. And kissing those soft little cheeks at the end of the day makes it all worth it.

last hour of my life

"Resolved, never to do anything which I should be afraid to do if it were the last hour of my life."

--Jonathan Edwards (1703-1758)

New Year's prayer

"Almighty and most merciful Father, by Whose providence my life has been prolonged, and Who has granted me now to begin another year of probation, vouchsafe me such assistance of Thy Holy Spirit that the continuance of my life may not add to the measure of my guilt, but that I may so repent of the days and years passed in neglect of the duties which Thou has set before me, in vain thoughts, in sloth, and in folly, that I may apply my heart to true wisdom, by diligence redeem the time lost, and by repentance, obtain pardon, for the sake of Jesus Christ."

--Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)

to finish well

"I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me--the task of testifying to the gospel of God's grace."

--Acts 29:24

Contentment

"Contentment is not satisfaction. It is the grateful, faithful, fruitful use of what we have, little or much. It is to take the cup of Providence and call upon the name of the Lord. What the cup contains is its contents. To get all that is in the cup is the act and art of contentment. Not to drink because one has but half a cup, or because one does not like its flavor, or because somebody else has silver to one's own glass, is to lose the contents; and that is the penalty, if not the meaning, of discontent. No one is discontented who employs and enjoys to the utmost what he has."

--Maltbie D. Babcock (1858-1901)

Success

"Success is the sum of small efforts--repeated day in and day out."

What four things are most important in your life?

The things that are most important to me:

• living in continual surrender to God
• cultivating deeper relationships (with my husband, children, & friends)
• nurturing a healthier life through exercise and nutrition
• carving out solitude for personal reflection

are always the things that get trampled by the immediacy of life. Life is a continual struggle to balance the demands on my time with what nourishes my soul. It is a rare day that I feel the most important things in my life were given adequate attention.

runner's high

Blood pumping
Anxious muscles tremble
Anticipating the shot
Eyes raised…
Finish line in the distance

Released by the gun
Flying with commencement energy
Breath, heart, feet combine
Pulsing in synchronized rhythm…

Pain seeps and throbs
Muffling thought
Feet falling into place
By some strange strength

Ecstasy…
Is agony collapsed at the finish;
Gasping for joy
Because the Prize
Exceeds the sacrifice.

Giving up "noise" for Lent

Lent and Easter should be the most important time of the year for Christians, but in evangelical circles, Lent is rarely observed at all and Easter is a frenetic celebration that sneaks up on us one Sunday in the spring. Last year, after observing Lent for the first time, I decided to do everything I could each year to make Lent and Easter my family's most anticipated and enjoyed season. (I'll be sharing some of my ideas for drawing out the significance of Lent and Easter in upcoming posts.)

One way I'm observing Lent this year is by giving up the TV, movies, and talk radio that dominate my free time. There are too many distractions in my life--too much noise. My inner "space" is now hidden somewhere behind responsibilities, the mundane maintenance of life, media bombardment, and sheer exhaustion.

That inner space is the soil for my spiritual life. It is the stillness I need to contemplate what really matters; to deepen roots and nourish fruit. The soil has been fallow beneath the moment-by-moment immediacy of life. It's time to dig up the weeds, soften the clay, water the roots...plant something new.

Every time I reach for the radio dial or feel like flopping down in front of the tube, I will stop. Close my eyes. Envision the garden coming to life again. Ask God to walk with me in my mini-Gethsemane. And remember Christ, who laid aside everything to take on flesh, suffer, die my death...and now live my life.