will (written 02.01.1995)

Mind throbbing
Heart aching
I wrestle
Spirit against Flesh
Clash of raw desires

I long to obey
And yet
I yearn to rebel
And as I hear the echoes
Of my sobs,
I begin to believe
That reality means
No one understands

I hear nails in the distance…
(like a dusty memory)
and see the open splintered flesh
and gouging thorns

and the Eyes…
they see my core
(core of weakness and passion)
and I tremble beneath his gaze
as I behold
the painful expression of His love

I begin to remember
That reality means
He understands
The intensity of my anguish

For He knows the cost of obedience
Even more than i